You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
