The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You took a bar mat shot.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
