Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
