Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
