i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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