Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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