I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
