JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
