Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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