Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
