she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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