I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
