Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
