we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
