Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
