shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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