He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize