First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize