if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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