hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
