You can't motorboat a personality
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
