the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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