the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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