sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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