Tell her she can't have a vagina
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Randomize
