Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
