Can i not drive my cunt home
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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