every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
