Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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