Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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