Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
