The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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