It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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