how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
