TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
is it fun? or sober?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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