I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
