What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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