Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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