omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
