you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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