He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
