I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
