i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
