Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
