upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
