I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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