the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize