i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
