I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was like eating out sand paper
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
