What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
