Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
