someone threw a dead crab at me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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