So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
