Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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