and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
