so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize