I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need a beard to bite.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
