Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
