that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
