At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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