oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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