I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
