I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
