life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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