Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
